Passive Aggressive Workplace Behavior
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Passive aggressive behavior in the workplace… is the worst.
This week’s Culture Drop is about something that shows up in nearly every workplace, friendship circle, and family: passive-aggressive behavior. It’s common, subtle, and even though it’s widespread and the default of how many people communicate, it’s toxic af.
And just to acknowledge up front: for many people, passive-aggressive behavior is a learned strategy. It's how many people learn to express discomfort, resentment, or needs in dysfunctional environments where direct communication feels unsafe or impossible.
If you recognize yourself in this post, this isn’t about shame, it’s about growth. The goal in diving into this is to maybe help illuminate some blind spots and patterns, and offer some better tools for how to show up as a human, at work, and in relationships.
What is passive aggressive behavior?
Passive aggressive behavior is saying or doing something while clearly meaning another — and letting the tone, body language, or subtext communicate what is really being felt or meant. Here are a couple of examples:
Saying, “It’s fine, I’ll just do it myself,” when it’s clearly not fine.
Agreeing to do something you don’t want to do, but then intentionally doing it poorly or half-heartedly as a form of protest or sabotage.
We’re all guilty of being on the giving or receiving end of it at some point. It’s sometimes subtle, sometimes overly dramatic, but it’s always toxic. And over time, it corrodes trust, damages relationships, and makes communication feel like a minefield.
“At its core, passive-aggressive communication is dishonest.”
Why it’s a problem.
At its core, passive-aggressive communication is dishonest. It avoids direct responsibility by delivering a message through implication rather than clarity. That might feel safer in the moment, especially if you're conflict-averse, but in the long run it creates tension, resentment, mistrust, and unnecessary conflict.
And also, it’s incredibly immature. Communicating like an adult means saying what you mean, taking responsibility for how you feel, being willing to advocate for yourself, and have sometimes uncomfortable conversations. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary if you want to build healthy, meaningful relationships at work and in your personal life.
What to do instead.
A simple but powerful rule: say what you actually mean.
If you’re frustrated, say so. If you don’t want to take on something, be honest about it. That doesn’t mean being rude or blunt — it just means being clear. Start practicing direct, calm, respectful communication, even when it feels uncomfortable.
“A simple but powerful rule: say what you actually mean.”
For example:
Instead of “Fine, I guess I’ll do it then,” try, “I’m not available to take that on right now.”
Instead of huffing and sighing, say, “I’m feeling frustrated and I’d like to talk about it.”
This kind of honesty takes courage, especially in a world where not everyone knows how to communicate in a healthy way or receive it well. But over time, it creates cleaner interactions, less resentment, and a deeper sense of personal agency.
Spicy reality: You’re not responsible for other people’s dysfunction.
One of the trickiest parts of all this is that you can’t force other people to communicate in a healthy, direct way. But you can hold your own boundaries.
If someone around you is being passive aggressive, it's okay to gently call attention to it. You might say, “Hey, it appears like there’s more going on than you’re saying — do you want to talk about it?” This opens the door for clearer dialogue in an attempt to avoid being confrontational.
Personally — and this may not be a good solution for you but it works for me — I’ve found that the best way to address passive aggression is to not play along. If someone says, “It’s fine, I’ll just do it myself,” with an obviously huffy tone, I’ll take that at face value with an “Ok, great!” or give them an opportunity to communicate what they really mean. Typically with something to the effect of “It seems like that’s not what you actually mean. If you want to discuss this I’m open to it, but I need you to communicate directly and honestly with me.”
“Gently drawing a line with passive aggressive communication helps create a space where clarity and honesty are expected.”
As adults, we’re all responsible for communicating like adults. You teach people how to treat you by how you respond and the types of conversations and ways you repeatedly engage in with people.
Gently drawing a line with passive aggressive communication helps create a space where clarity and honesty are expected, and where toxic behavior and tone of voice doesn’t rule the day.
Change is hard, give yourself some grace.
Changing how you communicate doesn’t happen overnight, especially if this pattern has been in place for years. It takes practice and intention to break habits like this. It’s okay to mess up. What will really help is catching yourself in the moment when you slip up, and then making a different choice.
If you say something that comes out super passive aggressive, it’s perfectly fine to pause and say, “Actually, that’s not what I meant, let me try that again.” You’re allowed to rewind and do better. That’s how you improve and grow.
Healthy, honest communication is a practice. It takes time, self-awareness, and a willingness to fumble a little. But the payoff is better relationships, less resentment, healthier communication, and more self-respect, which is well worth it.
Related Blogs:
Navigating Conflict in a Better Way
Build Trust & Relationships With This Brilliant Phrase
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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