Build Trust & Relationships With This Brilliant Phrase
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A simple, brilliant phrase and concept that can impact the way that you show up in every relationship in your life.
This week’s #culturedrop is a simple and profound idea that builds empathy, fosters connection, and strengthens relationships. It’s a phrase that I heard for the first time recently during some group dialogue while providing a workshop for a team around giving and receiving feedback. I had never heard it before, and it’s brilliant.
This one-liner has the power to change how you think about leadership, human connection, and meaningful interactions — especially when things get sticky. Here’s the phrase:
“If it bothers you, it bothers me.”
I love this. It’s a powerful declaration of empathy and connection. Adopting this in the way you relate to others also provides a powerful key to navigating conflict or static more effectively.
“Adopting this in the way you relate to others also provides a powerful key to navigating conflict or static more effectively.”
Why a phrase like this matters.
Whether you’re leading or part of a team, connecting as a friend, or in a romantic partnership the idea behind this phrase is simple: if someone you care about is having an experience that is not great, you acknowledge and validate it because it’s impacting them. This is especially powerful if their negative experience is due to something you’ve done or didn’t realize was affecting them.
By responding with this phrase, you’re making a clear statement that you care about them and the relationship.
In any relationship — professional, platonic, or romantic — the openness to hearing, “Hey, this bothers me,” and responding with, “Then it bothers me too,” cultivates a space where honest dialogue can take place. This concept shifts the focus away from a “me vs. you” mentality to a “we” approach where mutual respect and empathy are in play.
Applying this phrase as a leader, colleague, and human being.
“Friends and partners who express empathy and validate each other’s feelings is a recipe for longer lasting, more resilient connections and more productive conflict.”
Here are a few ways this powerful statement can change the dynamic of relationships and how you relate and interact with others:
In leadership and teams: When leading a team, recognizing and respecting how others feel creates stronger, more resilient relationships and overall culture. Adopting the mindset that “If it bothers you, it bothers me” lets your team know that their experiences matter. It builds trust and makes people feel valued, like their concerns and experiences are safe to share and will be met with acceptance instead of judgement or push back. It invites people to be more open and honest with each other, and tackle challenges together.
In friendships and romantic relationships: In healthy relationships, both people feeling heard and understood is essential. Friends and partners who express empathy and validate each other's feelings is a recipe for longer lasting, more resilient connections and more productive conflict. This phrase establishes a togetherness in facing issues together rather than creating opposition or allowing unaddressed concerns to build up. It reassures the other person that they’re safe to express discomfort, knowing that you genuinely want to understand and support them.
In customer service or everyday interactions: When we show up with this mindset, we offer empathy and build rapport in even the smallest interactions. Customer service is an excellent example — showing a customer that their concerns are valid and matter creates a more positive experience. This can be the difference between earning loyalty and trust, or losing a customer for life.
“How you show up for others during challenges or misunderstandings reveals your true character.”
The impact of prioritizing the experiences of others.
If there’s one thing I want you to take away, it’s this: how you show up for others during challenges or misunderstandings reveals your true character. And it will greatly affect the health and strength of personal and professional relationships in your life, as well as your reputation.
“If it bothers you, it bothers me” is a simple, impactful mantra to carry with you.
It’s a good reminder to pause, connect, and care about the experiences of those around you. It has the potential to build much stronger, cohesive relationships at work and in life. It brings people closer, invites better communication, and create a ripple effect of empathy in all of your interactions with others.
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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