Delivering Feedback Harshly
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This week’s culture drop topic applies to every person in a work environment: delivering feedback harshly. Communication 101: The way you say things has impact. Take a good, hard look at the way you give feedback at work and in any relationship. You've got to remember this tip, or you will destroy the effectiveness of feedback and cause impact that you don't intend.
Feedback done well inside teams, organizations, and between individuals is imperative to growth, improvement. It build trust and rapport, and healthier relationships. The flip side is that it can also be incredibly damaging to progress and relationships if it’s done poorly.
One example of feedback done poorly is delivering it in a harsh or unkind way.
Causing shame or guilt when delivering feedback damages work (and all) relationships by lowering trust and it completely detracts from the purpose of the feedback.
What is the true purpose of the feedback?
When you deliver feedback to someone else, it’s extremely important to consider exactly what you want the impact of that feedback to be.
I know that sounds obvious, but before delivering any feedback you have to ask yourself and take an honest examination of your true intent. If the point of the feedback is to correct a behavior, or improve performance then great, keep it at that and steer clear of adding emotional weapons to the conversation.
When you bring criticism, shame, embarrassment, or guilt to the party by delivering feedback in a harsh or unkind way, you add a whole new element and a secondary impact that only serves to decrease the effectiveness, and damage the relationship.
If someone feels embarrassed, criticized, or shamed as a result of feedback being delivered harshly, they are going to be much less receptive to the message. Those powerful emotions are going to weigh more heavily on them then whatever the feedback was addressing. Additionally, now the relationship and trust are in jeopardy because the feedback was given with little care or kindness.
So what qualifies as “harsh”?
Here is a list of things to avoid when giving feedback that definitely qualify as harsh and are completely unnecessary:
Raising your voice or yelling.
Insulting them personally or calling them names.
Labeling the person or speaking in absolutes (always/never): “You’re lazy,” or “You always make mistakes.”
Using a sharp or rude tone of voice. This includes being sarcastic, demeaning, or speaking to them like they are a child or an idiot.
Mean or aggressive facial expressions and body language. Glaring, scowling, imposing on someone’s physical space.
Do not do these things. You can clearly, directly, and succinctly provide feedback to another human being without doing any of these things. Keep your choice of words, tone of voice, and body language positive, kind, and direct.
That doesn’t mean that feedback can’t be serious or potentially high stakes and severe. It means that if you want that feedback to be effective then focus on what the actual intent and purpose of the feedback is and don’t muddy the water and add emotional weight to the conversation that will undermine the message.
Kind is effective.
As humans, we are far more receptive to any feedback when we feel that the person giving it truly cares about us and is coming from a place of support, and that they want us to be successful.
People who deliver feedback in a conscious way and are intentional about not shaming or embarrassing the other person in the process have healthier work and personal relationships. Providing valuable, emotionally-conscious feedback is so critical for us to be aware of as we navigate this world with other humans.
Having to give feedback to others in life is inevitable. Whether that is at work, in friendships, or with romantic partners, it plays a huge part on the strength and health of any relationship. So check your intentions and be mindful of your approach when delivering feedback. Even if the topic or conversation is serious, kindness is always more effective.
For some additional tips and tools, here are other Culture Drop episodes/blogs about effective feedback:
1) A Quick, Simple Hack to Start Challenging Conversations
2) The 5 Tenets to Build a Culture of Feedback
3) How to Handle a Coworker’s Bad Behavior the Right Way
Want more?
This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop