Positivity Mindset: Perspective, Gratitude, & Being Misunderstood
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At the time of writing this, things are kind of shit right now in the midst of COVID-19, so what better time to talk about positivity. A topic that is often misunderstood and can cause friction with some people. So let’s dive into what positivity is, and what it's not. People often get it twisted that being positive means being fake and cheesy or happy all the time, or pretending nothing's wrong (that ain't it).
In this blog I’m going to cover some different aspects of what positivity really means, and a personal story that anchors my mindset around it.
You get to choose.
It really, truly is simply a choice. Positivity is an attitude, it's a disposition and a perspective about life. More than anything I think it’s about being accountable for your choice of words, your body language, your mindset, and the energy that you bring to any room or conversation. Including conversations with yourself.
It’s not about ignoring your circumstances, it’s about having a proactive and intentional mindset about how you respond to those circumstances.
“More than anything I think it’s about being accountable for your choice of words, your body language, your mindset, and the energy that you bring to any room, meeting, or conversation. Even conversations with yourself.”
In the most simple terms, it’s about how you see the world, and what you’re putting out into it.
How you choose to observe things, respond and behave, and think about the world dictates the experience you’ll have as a human being on this planet.
Eye of the beholder.
I believe that you can take someone who is a negative-minded, pessimistic, always find the dark side of things kind of person, and also take someone else who is very optimistic and has a more positive outlook, perspective, and disposition about life, and drop them both into the same life, the same circumstances and situations, and the person who is negative will be miserable while the positive person will find a way to be happy, regardless of their circumstances.
I’m willing to take that thought experiment one step further to say that if you drop the negative minded person into a perfectly “happy” life, they will still be completely miserable.
Life will always provide plenty of things to complain about and bemoan, as well as plenty of things to be happy about and grateful for. Regardless of what you’re looking for, you can always find it.
The Mayo Clinic has an awesome article that breaks down everything from self-talk tactical ways to mitigate negative thoughts (and the effects of pessimism on your health). They give a great example of what positive thinking means:
“Positive thinking doesn't mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life's less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way.”
What’s with the rageaholic driving?
When I talk about positivity, one way that I see this play out (that is baffling to me) is when humans get behind the wheel of a car.
People are insane while driving.
What is the phenomenon that causes people to lose all patience, empathy, and kindness? Humans become so selfish, ridiculous, and angry when they get on the road. Perfectly kind, otherwise high-quality people do this, I’ve witnessed it and it blows my mind.
We have all had the experience of driving somewhere that’s unfamiliar and not knowing where your turn is. So maybe you put your turn signal on and slow down trying to read the street signs, maybe you think you’re at your turn and slow way down, then realize you aren’t and speed up again, etc.
We have all been that person. And when you have been that person, you want everyone around or behind you to just be cool for a minute and extend you some grace. Which is perfectly reasonable, it’s no big deal.
But why, when people are behind that person, do they lose their unholy minds and freak out? The truth about the situation is that it impacts your day by 4 seconds, or maybe 10 seconds, literally, that somebody slowed down in front of you and also caused you to slow down.
“What is so precious or important about your day that you will lose your shit over 5 seconds of it being disrupted?”
Who. The fuck. Cares?
What is so precious or important about your day that you’ll lose your shit over 5 seconds of it being disrupted? Literally count down 6 seconds right now to yourself and grab ahold of how much time that actually is. And while doing it, picture yourself in a car having to slow down for that long as someone figures out if this is their turn or not. I’ll wait, seriously count it down right now.
That’s it. That cannot be worth losing your ever-loving mind over.
When you're in your car yelling and insulting people or flipping them off and freaking out because they cut you off or weren’t looking when the light turned green, or any other minor inconvenience that will cost you 5 seconds of your day, you are creating that ridiculous and toxic moment for only yourself.
You are the one inside your own car who hears that and gets to stew in all of that negativity and garbage for those minutes before you return to being a normal human again. If this is you, stop it. There are far more important things to get worked up about in life.
Drive like you are the person in the other car, because you have been. Have some empathy and patience, and perspective.
The misconception that I’m always positive all the time.
I know that I am someone who a lot of people assume is super positive all the time, which is not true. I do enjoy life, but for me the thing that anchors my perspective and frames my outlook is simply gratitude.
“I do enjoy life, but for me the thing that anchors my perspective and frames my outlook is simply gratitude.”
I am grateful to be alive and exist on this planet. I get to do work that I love and impact people in a way that I find meaningful.
A part of my personal story and certainly where some of my outlook comes from is that when I was 18, I was in a car accident with my brother who was 20 at the time, and he was killed in the accident. Situations like that, at least for me, grant a lot of clarity about what’s actually important in life and what really matters.
To me, to connect with people, to experience love, and just literally get to breathe and experience being a human being are things that I’m truly grateful for every single day. I don’t ever take any of it for granted. And it keeps me afloat while I navigate all the ups and downs that life throws my way.
It’s impossible to be extremely grateful and feel sorry for yourself at the same time. That’s not to say that being upset or sad or frustrated, or any other feelings that come with being human aren’t valid or welcome. Feelings and emotions are healthy and necessary and required to process all that life brings.
“It’s impossible to be extremely grateful and feel sorry for yourself at the same time.”
There will always be plenty of reasons to have a negative outlook on life. But you do get to choose how you respond to those things and the filter that you use to see and experience the world.
The other element of this topic that greatly impacts your journey is the question of who you want to be to the other people in your life. The people that you work with, your friends, your family, etc. Do you want to impact them as the person who is negative, that looks for the bad in everything, that always finds a reason to complain? Or the person who finds joy in things and sees the positive side of things, and infuses positivity into the people around them.
Up to you. That choice is yours alone.
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop (previously the #shiftyestribe). Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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