How To Receive Feedback Like A Pro
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This is something that does not get talked about nearly enough in the space of leadership and employee EQ.
That is being able to receive feedback like a pro.
You hear a lot of talk in business and leadership about giving feedback effectively, but receiving it is massively important.
I am 100% convinced with all of my heart that your ability to receive feedback well, no matter what it is about or who it’s coming from, is absolutely necessary to have success in your relationships, in your career, etc.
You have to see feedback as an opportunity, not a threat.
If someone on my team comes to me and says
“Galen, you’re a terrible listener. You never listen to me!”
It doesn’t really matter if that’s true, cosmically. It doesn’t matter if I think I’m a good listener, or if everyone else on my team thinks I’m the nest listener they’ve ever met. The reality of the situation is that this person is telling me that they don’t feel listened to by me, which is not an impact that I would be proud to hear or intend to have on that person.
So instead of being defensive or deflective at all, as most people tend to be at first when they receive feedback, it’s important to see that conversation as an opportunity.
That feedback is a chance to change the impact I’m having on that person and an opportunity to build a more trusting, connected relationship with them as a result of taking what they said to heart and caring enough to listen and make changes based on what I’ve heard.
Kill your ego.
When you deflect and defend yourself from feedback, you are telling the other person that it is not safe for them to disclose their feelings to you. When we do this, we send the message that being ‘right’ is more important than the relationship and the experience that they’re having,
When someone is giving you feedback, you would be best served by taking your ego out back and Rage Against the Machine smashing it with a baseball bat like the printer scene in Office Space.
Your ego is irrelevant and all it does is make you suck at communication and finding resolutions in your relationships.
Hit pause on your ego and defensiveness, and receive feedback like a pro. Here’s how:
1. Take ownership.
Take ownership of the impact that you’ve had on the other person. Don’t try to invalidate or diminish their feelings or the experience that they’re having.
Apologize for the impact that you’ve had on them and clarify that it was not the impact you intended. Acknowledge their experience and address how you are going to make a change in your behavior going forward .
2. Use the phrase “Tell me more about that”.
When someone comes to you with feedback, if you immediately become defensive or argue, you build a wall that does not allow you to see through to the other side. It’s extremely valuable to be able to see where the other person is coming from.
Start with curiosity. When someone’s feedback confuses you or makes you defensive, instead of writing off their concerns, ask them this simple phrase — Tell me more about that.
This allows the other person to elaborate on what they are experiencing without feeling interrogated, and it allows you the chance to examine their feedback with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
3. Don’t try to change opinions.
Instead of devoting energy and effort to changing their opinion of you, put all your effort and energy into changing their experience of you. If someone comes to you with feedback and they’re angry/mad/sad/hurt, it’s not the time to try to change that — make things right by how you respond and what you do next. Don’t deflect on their words by trying to immediately make things right. Accountability and making amends includes both an apology + a change of action.
Doing this consistently builds trust. It’s a great feeling knowing that you can say what needs to be said to someone and that no matter what, they will listen and receive the information well.
4. Ask what a solution looks like to them.
“The phrase ‘Tell me more about that’ when you receive feedback is so helpful in avoiding defensiveness.”
Ask them to clarify what great looks like. “What can I do to show up differently?” or “What would it look like if I were a great listener?” is a great place to start. Lead the conversation to a place of problem solving together to come up with a resolution. Ensure that you’ve communicated a commitment to change this experience for them.
At the end of the day, when someone comes to you with feedback, that person is probably seeking some sort of a change — let them know how you are going to make that happen, and then follow through.
Imagine if you could go to the person in your life that is the most challenging to deal with and directly say how they’re impacting you and they’d respond well.
That sounds awesome, doesn’t it?
How wonderful would it be to heal every broken relationship and static interaction that you have with someone else? Knowing that the other person would receive the feedback well makes a world of a difference.
“Being able to safely communicate feedback is the heart of having a connected, trusting relationship where all parties actually care about each other’s experience.”
Being able to safely communicate feedback is the heart of having a connected, trusting relationship where all parties actually care about each other’s experience. Do not overlook this. Your ability as a leader, coworker, friend, partner, etc. to receive feedback well is so important.
You have to be able to do this well. It takes a master level of emotional intelligence and is something you also have to practice regularly and be mindful of. And doing that is so worth it to your teams, your family, your friends, and anyone else you surround yourself with.
Be vulnerable, take ownership, be curious, listen, understand, and then change your behavior as a result of hearing feedback. That’s *chef’s kiss*.
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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