EQ Hack: Don't 0 to 100
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Going from 0-100 about anything is pretty much always a bad move.
A recent conversation with a client about an issue that was unrelated but similar reminded me of something that happened to me a pretty long time ago at a sports game that stuck with me...
I was at a sports game and anxiously tapping on the seat in front of me at a nail-biting point in the game. No one was sitting in the seat in front of me that I was tapping on, but there was someone in the seat next to it.
In the moment, I was unaware that I was tapping on the seat (just mindless nervousness) and I don’t know how long I’d been doing it for, maybe 30 seconds or a minute? The guy in that seat next to it suddenly turned around and yelled sharply at me:
HEY! Stop doing that! It’s so annoying!
It was extremely jarring because it felt so out of the blue. It wasn’t like he’d already asked me a couple times to stop and I ignored him, this was the first interaction we’d had at all. Nothing had been said up until this point and suddenly this extremely angry guy was yelling at me with a mad, scowly face.
“He could’ve asked me nicely to stop, but instead it was a really negative and uncomfortable interaction.”
He could’ve asked me nicely to stop, but instead it was a really negative and uncomfortable interaction. I immediately stopped tapping on the seat, but also felt super shitty for pretty much the rest of the game about being yelled at like that.
That’s exactly what I want to talk about here.
Communicate, don’t escalate.
It’s super important if you care about your work and personal relationships to be aware of not going from 0 to 100 out of seemingly nowhere. It almost always creates damage and conflict in situations where neither are necessary.
It can be a natural human tendency to let things bottle up and avoid rocking the boat. Especially if working on your EQ and self-awareness is a newer journey for you, or you’ve experienced life or family dynamics where conflict is combat, or it’s not safe to make others upset because they aren’t in control of their emotional behavior.
“It can be a natural human tendency to let things bottle up and avoid rocking the boat.”
It’s easy to let something bothersome avoid being talked about instead of bringing it up. We are programmed to avoid awkwardness, and the reality is that addressing what someone is doing or has done that you didn’t like can be uncomfortable.
But it’s so important in interpersonal relationships that the other person doesn’t feel blindsided in an extreme and dramatic way when it comes to feedback or bringing something up.
If anything is bothering you, have the wherewithal to make the other person aware the first time it happens, not the 5th or 100th. And do it in a calm, kind way.
Being proactive avoids resentment and preserves the relationship.
Bottling up conversations or your emotions towards someone in an effort to keep the peace will only escalate the situation over time.
When someone does something repeatedly that bothers you it can be a path to resentment on your part. Don’t allow situations to get to that point, let the other person know.
“People can’t change their behavior if you don’t give them the opportunity to.”
Initiate the conversation in a calm way and keep it light-hearted and emotionally neutral. Be direct, not accusatory, and kind.
People can’t change their behavior if you don’t give them the opportunity to. It’s also not fair to ‘punish’ someone for something they’ve done that has bothered you 20 times but they’re just hearing about it for the first.
Letting any situation get to the point where you’re really upset before you address it makes it incredibly hard to effectively communicate and resolve issues easily. Avoiding getting to an emotionally heightened state is vital to preserving trust and relationships of all types.
Have the capacity and mental prowess to be in control of how you treat people. Do right by others by informing them the first time when something they are doing is having a negative impact on you. Don’t blow up, don’t 0 to 100. If you notice yourself even going from 0 to 10 then bring it up and avoid things getting any worse.
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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