How to Have an Opinion Without Being an Asshole
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Having and sharing an opinion without sounding like an asshole.
Having and sharing an opinion without being an asshole is a valuable skill for being part of a team, or anyone that wants to be liked. I’m going to share some tips on how to not be a jerk with your delivery.
But first, I want to acknowledge that there’s a lot of context and nuance in this topic. Yes, you’ll probably be able to find examples where what I say is not true to specific contexts, etc. Take what resonates, discard the rest, and find context that is valuable for you.
This falls in the bucket of EQ.
“Always approach other’s opinions with curiosity instead of scrutiny.”
I recently had a really juicy conversation with a colleague of mine where we were talking about wanting to share an opinion without coming across like an asshole. I think this is a great emotional intelligence skill to sharpen because it challenges your self-awareness when it comes to the experience other people have of you and how you impact them.
My overall, simple advice on this topic is to have an opinion and be decisive, but not overly rigid. And to approach other people’s opinions with curiosity instead of scrutiny.
It sucks to be part of a team or conversation that is domineered by one or two people who are hell-bent on their opinion being the right opinion.
It’s also hard to be part of a team where everyone wants to be polite and therefore withhold their opinions from the discussion completely. Both instances are not helpful at all.
The most helpful way we can practice healthy brainstorming and decision making as a team is for everyone to know that it is safe to have an opinion.
When people understand that it’s safe to have an opinion, they’re way more likely to show up ready to share in a collaborative way that is mindful of other perspectives.
It’s a much more collaborative, positive experience to approach our opinions with the mindset that we are also open to feedback and compromise, and that our outlook may not be shared by everyone else.
“The most helpful way we can practice healthy decision making as a team is for everyone to know that it is safe to have an opinion.”
I had an extremely fruitful conversation with a team member recently and one of the elements of it was telling them “I want you to tell me and share with me when you disagree with me.”
My team members know that I will always respect them regardless of a difference in opinion, or perspective, and even more importantly, I will always react and respond well to them sharing theirs with me, even if I completely disagree.
It is so valuable for this dynamic to be present on every team, partnership, or relationship. It’s vital for everyone to feel safe enough to share their opinions, and for everyone to also adopt the practice of hearing other people’s opinions with an open mind.
Confidence Vs. Arrogance.
I think the real crux of this conversation (if you want to have healthy relationships and dialogue) is about the balance between being confident vs arrogant, or being assertive vs aggressive and inflexible in your opinion and the delivery of it.
“It’s okay to be confident and assertive about what you think and feel, But it’s also very important not to be aggressive or overly rigid with it — at least not if you want people to like you or enjoy interacting with you.”
It’s okay to be confident and assertive about what you think and feel, But it’s also very important not to be aggressive or overly rigid with it — at least not if you want people to like you or enjoy interacting with you.
Try to always approach situations with a sense of curiosity. In practice that can look like:
“I have a strong opinion about this, but I’m open and receptive to hear your perspective, have some dialogue, and change my mind.”
What a powerful statement. It’s so healthy, especially for folks in leadership positions, to let others know that they are open to feedback and hearing the perspectives of others. It’s okay to have an opinion, but it’s a bad look and a bad move to be a jerk about it by shutting others down.
When we create environments where people feel shut down, or that they will be shut down, it prevents a lot of people from contributing to the conversation. In a business or brainstorm situation that can be extremely detrimental to the process and any outcome because the more brains and perspectives that we approach solutions and creativity with the better.
It’s all about delivery and presentation. Approach with curiosity and respect, and a willingness to collaborate. When we do this, we gain perspectives from other people, we make better, more informed decisions, and we have more healthy dialog and debate as a team, which is super beneficial to each person and our success.
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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