4 Tips for Heated Conversations or Arguments
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Four practical tools for navigating heated conversations.
Difficult conversations can rattle all of us, even the most seasoned professional. When emotions spike in conversations, clarity and productivity tend to drop.
This week on Culture Drop I’m sharing four practical tools that can help you stay grounded, keep the conversation on track, and guide both sides toward a better outcome. Here are four concrete tips you can pull out in the moment.
1. Don’t “chase the rabbit.”
When someone else escalates — raises their voice, speeds up, gets fired up — it’s easy to match their energy without even realizing it. I call it “chasing the rabbit” because it’s just like an animal that takes off after a rabbit if it starts running away. Staying calm in those moments takes emotional intelligence and self-regulation, but it’s worth it.
“When someone else escalates — raises their voice, speeds up, gets fired up — it’s easy to match their energy without even realizing it.”
Instead of following someone up the emotional ladder, focus on keeping your voice low and your pace steady. Think of it as being anchored vs blowing around in the current. You’re not ignoring the intensity; you’re choosing not to absorb and mirror it. This helps prevent things from becoming really emotionally heightened and keeps you grounded so that the conversation doesn’t escalate further.
2. Stop interrupting.
In tense conversations, both people often hover at the edge of jumping in. You can feel yourself waiting for the tiniest opening to make your point. That heightened pace keeps emotions high and productivity low.
A simple shift helps: let the other person fully finish before you respond. To slow the conversation down a bit more, ask for a turn. That can sound like, “I’m listening and I hear you. Can I share a few of my thoughts?” This slows the rhythm of the conversation and lowers the emotional temperature. When the pace lowers, finding resolution becomes much more possible.
And you don’t have to be the only one. It’s ok to ask to not be interrupted and request that each of you have time to fully finish your thoughts before the other responds or starts talking.
“It’s ok to ask to not be interrupted and request that each of you have time to fully finish your thoughts before the other responds or starts talking.”
3. Focus on outcomes.
If the conversation starts feeling stuck or circular, take a pause from the conversation for a minute and ask, “What do you want as an outcome from this conversation?” Then also share your own.
This step pulls everyone back out of the weeds and into finding a shared purpose. Maybe the real goal is to feel heard. Maybe it’s to find a resolution that works for both sides. Maybe it’s simply clarity. Each of you naming the desired outcome helps both people feel more understood, and it helps shift away from the dynamic of trying to win and toward trying to solve.
Bringing this up to refocus the conversation can go a long way to keeping things grounded and making sure that you’re making some progress and moving forward vs spinning and spinning.
4. Create a boundary and pause if needed.
Some conversations simply need a break. When voices rise or things feel totally unproductive, it’s often best to call a time-out.
And if behaviors taking place in the conversation are preventing it from being productive, you may need to set some boundaries.
“Some conversations simply need a break. When voices rise or things feel totally unproductive, it’s often best to call a time-out.”
Setting a boundary isn’t about telling someone else what to do, it’s about making a decision for yourself based on what you need. For example: If the other person is raising their voice or making personal, insulting verbal attacks those might be things that prevent being able to move forward peacefully or find resolution.
Telling someone what to do often causes defensiveness. That often sounds like issuing a command: “You need to lower your voice.” etc.
However, setting a boundary around that might sound like: “I want to keep working through this and find a solution together, but I can’t do that productively if voices stay raised. If that continues, I’m going to pause this conversation and we can come back in a bit after we’ve had a chance to take a pause and a breath.” This communicates your needs clearly and gives the other person a choice.
Sometimes ten minutes is enough. Sometimes an hour or even the next day works better. Either way, the reset often helps both people return calmer and more able to move toward resolution.
“At some point in your life and career, heated conversations or arguments are going to happen.”
As a human, these are inevitable.
At some point in your life and career, heated conversations or arguments are going to happen. It’s a pretty inevitable part of working with people and navigating the world with other humans.
With a few helpful tools in your tool belt, they become much easier to navigate and far more productive. Hopefully one or more of these approaches adds something useful to your toolkit.
Related Blogs:
Conflict Skills: Don't Be So Quick to Anger
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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