How to Gently Approach Conflict
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An easier way to approach and navigate conflicts.
This week’s Culture Drop is about something that can be the make or break for many human interactions: how to bring up tough feelings or moments in a gentle way.
Whether it’s at work, with a partner, or a friend, we’ve all been there —something bothers us, but when we try to address it with the other person, things explode or the other person shuts down, etc.
Often the reason that these situations don’t go well is not the content of the conversation that causes conflict; it’s how we start it. If we crash into the moment — full force with frustration or blame — it triggers defensiveness and can derail the entire interaction.
Here is a simple, gentle tool to bring up sensitive topics in a way that invites connection and dialogue that leads to understanding instead of conflict.
The tool: a gentle opener.
Here’s the key phrase to use to bring it up with the other person:
"Hey, I recognize that I’m feeling something in a certain way. Can I gently share that with you?"
Let’s break it down:
"I recognize that I’m feeling something…"
This signals self-awareness. You’re acknowledging your own emotions without blaming the other person."Can I gently share that with you?"
The word “gently” is magic. It sets the tone for the conversation, letting the other person know this isn’t an attack — it’s an invitation for respectful and thoughtful dialogue.
Why this works.
“When conflict arises, for many people their first instinct is often to defend themselves or assign blame.”
When conflict arises, for many people their first instinct is often to defend themselves or assign blame. That kind of reactive behavior can activate the other person’s fight-or-flight response, leading to shutdowns, escalations, and unproductive/damaging outcomes. However, using a gentle opener helps bypass this by creating a collaborative tone from the start.
For example, imagine a friend criticizes a movie you loved. Instead of saying, “Why are you always so critical?” (which invites defensiveness), you could say:
“Hey, I recognize that I’m feeling something about your reaction. Can I gently share that with you? When I share something I’m excited about and it gets a sharp, negative response, it sometimes feels discouraging.”
This shifts the interaction from a conflict about their behavior to a discussion about how you’re feeling and the impact that they’ve had on you, opening the door to empathy and understanding.
For another example, a colleague interrupts you in a meeting. Instead of reacting with frustration, say:
“Hey, I recognize that I’m feeling a little off about something, can I gently share that with you? When I get interrupted, it feels like what I have to say and my contributions might not be valued.”
“Focusing on your own feelings and needs instead of blaming others fosters healthier dialogue.”
There’s massive science behind this.
The effectiveness of this approach is backed by several psychological frameworks:
Nonviolent Communication (Rosenberg, 2003): Focusing on your own feelings and needs instead of blaming others fosters healthier dialogue.
Emotion Regulation Theory (Gross, 2015): Identifying and expressing emotions in a constructive way prevents impulsive reactions and promotes thoughtful responses.
Active Listening (Rogers & Farson, 1957): Inviting the other person into the conversation by asking permission (e.g., “Can I gently share…?”) encourages active listening, which is crucial for resolving tension.
“Gentle communication is an incredible effective way to navigate potentially sticky human interactions with grace.”
Final thoughts.
Sensitive conversations don’t have to be a minefield. Gentle communication is an incredible effective way to navigate potentially sticky human interactions with grace.
With this gentle opener, you can handle tough moments with softness and clarity, creating space for better connection and understanding and ultimately stronger, healthier relationships.
Related Blogs:
How to Have a Difficult or Sensitive Conversation
Defensiveness Kills Communication & Relationships
The 6 Dos and Don'ts of Conflict
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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