Improving Emotional Intelligence Part 3: Skilled Listening
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Improving EQ: Skilled Listening
This video is part three in our “How to be More Emotionally Intelligent” series. Being a skillful listener speaks to the part of emotional intelligence that has to do with building relationships. It’s crucial to your impact on other people, social and professional skills, and self-awareness.
Be intentional.
The reality is that you are in charge of what it feels like to talk to you.
Your choice of words, your body language, your energy level, your focus and attention are all things that you have control over when communicating with others.
All of us have experienced talking to somebody else, and they're not listening to you. They're not looking at you, not paying attention, and you know that they could not repeat a single word of what you’ve said. And all of us have also been guilty of that. A situation where someone's talking to us and not a single syllable gets processed in our brain.
What is important in those situations is not the information being passed from one person to the next. You could tell them later, or write it down, text or email them, etc. There's another way to get the information to that person at another time, or in another manner.
What is important in that situation is what it feels like to us as human beings when somebody is not listening to us. It can feel like “This person doesn't care, they’re not interested, they don't agree, they don't like me,” etc.
Own your impact.
As you move through the world, whether as a leader, a colleague, or a friend, be intentional about the impact you have on others. In every interaction that you have, show up with the intent of making that other person feel listened to vs just hearing the words that are coming out of their mouth.
When it comes to being a really good, skilled listener, it boils down to how well you can make the other person feel listened to. If your intention as you interact with other human beings is to make them feel listened to, you will show up in a completely different way in terms of your focus, eye contact, body language. You will find yourself being fully, actually present because you’re focused on the other person’s experience vs your own.
There's a huge difference between hearing what somebody said, and making someone feel listened to. Skilled listening is really about the impact you make and focusing on the experience of the other person.
What it looks like in practice.
Being skillful at listening also involves asking follow up and clarifying questions, and sometimes repeating back what you heard, depending on the situation.
For example, if it's a more heightened situation, like conflict or a difficult conversation, or someone giving you feedback, it can be extremely productive to say, “Let me repeat back what I heard you say, just to make sure that I heard you accurately.”
Another element of great listening is not just simply waiting for your turn to talk. It’s very common for people to only listen enough to form a response and then just impatiently for their turn to speak.
Be calm, tune in, hear what somebody is saying, and actually listen without interrupting or cutting them off, and then respond based on what you just heard them say.
Skilled listening is a huge tool in your belt for building better relationships with other people and impacting other people in a positive way. It’s super important for your career and the health and strength of your relationships. This is one really easy way to level up your self awareness, EQ, and impact on others. Making other people feel listened to with intention.
Related Articles:
Improving Emotional Intelligence Part 1: Emotions vs Behavior
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop