Listening Vs. Giving Advice
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Listening vs giving advice.
This Culture Drop is about sharing a simple phrase everyone should know (and use) when it comes to how you show up as a leader, colleague, friend, and in relationships.
I don’t remember when I first heard this advice, but I’m passing it forward because it has been an extremely useful listening tool for me personally. I think this one of the most important things that you can provide to someone else to be a great listener for a coworker, leader, friend, or in any relationship.
When someone else comes to you to share about a problem, or a challenge or tough situation that they’re dealing with, before you launch into problem solving mode and start firing out opinions, ask them this first:
“What do you need from me right now?”
It is so helpful to inquire, “Do need a listening, sympathetic ear, or are you in problem-solving mode? Are you looking for a solution, or just to share to someone who will listen?”
Problem solving isn’t always (or often) what’s needed in the moment.
I think all of us (and in my observation, men especially) have the tendancy to jump to giving unsolicited advice. I catch myself wanting to do this as an immediate response, and have to make a concerted effort to avoid jumping to “Ok, here’s 10 ways you can fix that!”
Take a beat when someone shares with you and find out what they need in that moment from you. Many times, skipping ahead to a solution is not helpful at all and can have the impact of invalidating someone else’s experience.
Finding solutions to problems is how I’m built. Personally, I am very solution-oriented and naturally wired to see ten solutions for every problem that exists. It’s in my nature to extend that to others as well. I don’t want the people that I care about to suffer when I can see a solution for what they’re facing. But when I find myself jumping to offer a solution, I take pause to remind myself that might not be helpful. The best support I can give that other person may just be listening to what they have to say.
All of us just need to “empty our cup” to from time to time.
Sometimes all we really need is someone to sympathize with us and hold space for our feelings.
Sometimes people don’t want to hear a solution because they already know what they need to do, or what the next steps forward look like. Make sure you find out what they need from you and what is the most helpful way that you can show up for them right now.
This is a great tool to create more connection and be a helpful support in any relationship when one person is struggling in some way. The ability to withhold problem solving until that person is open to it can be such a wonderful gift to somebody who is looking to be validated and feel heard in regards to their emotions, or perspective, or whatever they’re facing.
It’s a really beautiful thing to practice sitting in solidarity with someone by simply acknowledging and validating what they’re feeling in that moment. Feelings don’t last forever, there will always be time to jump into solution mode. Have the presence of mind to hold space for people’s emotions without immediately jumping in to fix the situation. You’ll often find it’s just exactly what they need.
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop